Epic Tails of Layla Jane

I Got the “Talk”

You know what is frowned upon… sitting on your siblings head. And what’s apparently even worse, is something called humping. Humping my furry siblings is something that dad gets super pissed about and mom laughs her ass off. So I’m over here just doing my thing and not sure who to follow ques from. Is it mom because she’s crying from laughing and I love that I make her happy or is it dad who is the constant naysayer of the joint and looks like he’s about to seriously lose his cool. I mean I didn’t even know what I was doing to be honest. I just wanted to show my dominance over these two bullies and my body just went full hump.

As soon as mom composed herself, she pulled me onto her lap and gave me a stern talking to (but I could see her laughter brewing). It was called “The Talk”. She explained that girl puppies do not hump siblings and the stuffed bear is also off limits. She says it might be instinct but hey, it felt good so I went with it.

Dad decided that I needed a new name because of my humping. You can now call me Layla Jane instead of simply Layla. I think my stripper name is pretty cool. Although I have no idea what a stripper is. Yet. I’m going to find out because every time I do something mom and dad think is pushing the limits, all I hear is “she’s just being Layla Jane again”. Then they snicker, shake their heads, and I get the third degree. By the way, the bed edge is great for humping too. And I still sit on everyone’s head (even moms when she stretches after exercising).

The Do-Over

Today is the day I am going back to meet with Ralph and Thor. I’m ready for them. My foster mom let me sleep all morning long until it was time to leave. I’ve got all the puppy power. She has packed all my toys, food, and stuffed me into the stupid tiny ass crate in the back seat. If it wasn’t for it holding me hostage, I’d be driving this car. We pull up to the front of the house and wait for the trainer to arrive. You all know Ralph was a dick the last time and the rescue wants to make sure there are enough human hands to pry his jaws off my head if needed. The trainer lady does not disappoint either. She pulls right up and comes packing an air horn! She’s going to blow the ears right off Ralph. That’ll teach him.

Trainer lady, foster mom, and new fam decide to meet outside in the yard with no leashes. Are they trying to get me swallowed like a scooby snack by Ralph? I guess this is my queue to show Ralph and Thor just how fierce and confident I am. If anyone is going down, it’s them. I’m cute and pint sized.

We end up running around in the yard, playing ball, eating lots and lots of treats. Seriously, the trainer lady ran out of treats because bully Ralph ate them all. He stalked her the entire time and pretty much ignored me. Which in the end, I think it all worked out because we were allowed to go into the warm house to play and drink lots of water. My foster mom hid water from me because I apparently have bad bladder control.

Thor was really nice and let me pounce on him, Ralph was way less growly, and he didn’t wrap his whole mouth around my head. Everyone agreed I would stay with my new family once my new mom paid the adoption fee. There was some talk about vet appointments, flea and tick meds, my sleep schedule, spaying and what type of breed I might be.

I am now the proud sister of two furry brothers and two non-furry siblings. My new mom and dad are following every paw movement I make. Helicopter parents already and I have been here for like 3 seconds. Help!

It’s Dark in Here

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Ralph has my whole damn head in his mouth. He isn’t very nice. It’s only been thirty minutes since I met him. Everyone seems to be a little on edge at the moment. Everything was going pretty well until I sniffed Ralph’s butt. I guess he didn’t like it much because next thing I knew, it was lights out and my foster mom and new mom were mildly freaking out.

We had a trainer come with us as well and she wasn’t too happy about Ralphie being a bully either. I decided to show them all 13 pounds of me is fierce. I let Ralph know he wasn’t going to be the boss of me. I left the house and went back home with my foster mom. She was so good to me, she took me to get a shot. What the heck!! I do not like needles one bit but the nights rest was great sleeping on my foster mom for a few hours.

I was told I have to go meet Ralph and Thor again in a few days. Those jerks seriously better be ready. I gained another pound of pure puppy powerful muscle just from tugging out of Ralph’s mouth today. I will be their boss. The mom is so sweet and she gave me the best pets ever. And a few kisses that are just odd. She didn’t mind my licks as much as Ralph and Thor’s dad did. He seems really nice but I think he has a tough bark. Don’t worry future dad, you will be wrapped around my little paws.